Last week, Pastor Steve challenged us to start our next 7 mornings praying Psalm 139:23-24. The next couple of days I prayed this scripture and even took time to look up the verses in other translations of the Bible. God had still not revealed anything to me. I know that I sin against Him and that I have blockages lurking in my heart. There is a list of things I can think of on my own that I could change or improve upon to grow in my relationship with Him. But I was still waiting on the Holy Spirit to reveal something to me that I was not aware of and needed to change.
On the third day I was thinking about this scripture in my head, in the middle of the day, and the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart. I sat down and began to write in my journal. Here is the entry:
January 23, 2019
I think I have been so focused on wanting God to show me what I have been doing wrong and how I have sinned against Him… but He is revealing something else…it is not necessarily what I have been doing wrong, but what I haven’t been doing! He tells us in His Word not be ashamed of the gospel (Romans 1:16)! I have been lazy, fearful, and disobedient! When He wants me to speak, I don’t. I don’t want to offend. I’m afraid I’ll confuse more than explain/articulate well. What am I really afraid of? Why am I not trusting His nudges for sharing His gift with others?
Someone in my life comes to mind right away. I have been able to develop a relationship and trust with this person. If I say one wrong thing, years of being intentional and listening to them could all go away! Saying one wrong thing could drive them further from Your heart. But not saying something could as well! Lord, give me wisdom. Give me clear words. Help me to be obedient when you call upon me to speak.
My sin against God is disobedience and fear. Lord Jesus, continue to search my heart and lead me in your way everlasting. Thank you for gently and kindly revealing this to me and for not condemning me. You are faithful. Thank you.
Continue praying these verses with me:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” Psalm 139:23-24
“For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes…” (Romans 1:16)